People have been asking us for years how we developed our friendship into a powerful and mutual working relationship. On this episode, we finally share our secrets to how our relationship got off to an amazing start and how from then, there was no looking back. If you are in need of a few tips to take your relationship(s) to the next lever, this episode is for you.
Welcome to the transformation lab. We are your host Kevin
and Marcia Smith. Transformation Lab goes beyond just being about our relationship. Each
episode focuses on open and honest perspectives and answer your questions about business, personal happiness and the journey to living your best life.
So go ahead, grab your cup of coffee or tea and sit back and relax.
Also, make sure to subscribe like and rate this podcast. Thank you for tune again.
Enjoy. So if you remember, not too long ago I was having a conversation with you about the fact that I just feel like a lot of people have been asking questions of all of us questions about when we met, how long we've been dating home married, you know, having conversations about you know how other people perceive our relationship to be on what we actually do. Just, you know, make it what it is, which is a really awesome adventure. And so I just wanted to bring it all the way back kind of when we first started so to the beginning, to the beginning.
And I think that you wanted to call this something like the origins addition, like the origin story of cabinet, Marcia. Yeah, before Mr and Mrs Smith. Okay. All right. Something if you're willing to. And I'm willing to dive deeper into the story of how way? And it's a really great one, because it was unexpected. And, uh, it was natural, and it was mutual, you know, both you and I, um, I'm over here jumping ahead because I'm already about to say, you know, both you and I had already got to put We're alike. We're not looking for a relationship, but let's take him to the beginning. Beginning. Let's go to our mutual friend's birthday party. Yes, in January of 2010? Yes, I believe it was the 22nd to be exact on the date. And she was hosting a birthday slash after party to some of us that was already happening at our college. Right? And so, from my side of the story, what I remember is a man, a fraternity. And so me and my brothers are on our way to, uh, this birthday party to celebrate one of our good friends. And as we're going up the stairwell to the event, was we arrived? You know, once we get to the apartment. You know, we're walking up the stairs and we see this really beautiful person in the corner, you know? And my friend letter says to me, Hey, you know, you hear over there, and I'm like, Yeah, he's like, I bet you I could get her phone number. Or, you know, I cannot, you know, connect with her before you do. And I said, Listen, if you challenge me, trust me, you're not gonna win, does this? Let it go. And we didn't like five minutes of us being there. He's already dancing with her, you know? So here I am like, Well, you know, the night is young, you know, sticklers field time on the clock, you know? So what I remember is, um, dance is done, you know? And I'm hanging out with some friends on. I've finally seen this mole over. I get to talk to this person in the corner, the same one that we were mentioning. Hey, I bet you you know, I could get her number. Whatever. And I go when I start talking. I'm like, Hey, how you doing? I'm good. My well wisher name. Like Marcia, She's like, Well, what's your name. I was like, Mr Smith. What's your first name, Mr. Yeah, that's kind of the person I was in college at that time. So, yeah, that was my name, Mr Smith. And so from that moment, I think we just kind of connected, you know? And what I remember is we were in that corner so long. It seemed like there was no one else around. Like we weren't even at that party anymore. Way went into conversation. We started a dance a little bit, and then we got back to the conversation. And so that was my first impression. Like, we just kind of hit it off like it was. There was no, like, negative energy of friction between us from the from just that first moment. And, man, I remember when the dance is done, you know, I'm like, so you know, can I Can I get your number? You know, whatever. She's just like, I don't really give up my phone number, so I know you know, Nobody really. Okay. All right, then. So I walked away and the party's still going on. And next thing you know, I remember Party's coming to an end and you have a group of friends and at this time before, like the iPhone became like crazy popular people would use in blackberry Messenger. So you have, like, this BBM kind of messenger that was like a special network on your phone that she could talk to people. You talk to people if you had the opportunity that I get there like pin number, and once you get that, you might as well you can have a whole number of conversation continues. So here's my effort to save and night. You know, everything is going so well for her giving me a phone number. And, uh, everyone's huddled up in the circle, just kind of trading be BlackBerry messenger numbers pin numbers so that they can keep in touch. So I jump in there with my BlackBerry. I'm like a Marshall. What's your baby? You know what? Your message. Your pen. She says it to me. Long story short, the party ends and my walker waiver for BlackBerry message of pin numbers. So some type of way to communicate that happened on probably like a Saturday night or something like that. And by Monday, I was already reaching out to her. And I remember this because I had my backpack on. I just got my townhouse and I sat down and I decided to take my phone out and give Marcia call. We'll send a message, and the message exactly said, Hey, how you doing? Here's my phone number. You should give me a call. I talk to you. So you know, Next thing you know, my phone rings. He calls me and I go. Got you. Hey. Hey. She's like, Oh, man, I gave him my phone number. You sure dig now your mind
way were just talking about the fact that, like, the conversation, our first phone conversation took like, ours. And the thing is, OK, so going back to the party, um, I saw when Kevin came into the party. So again, for anybody who may not know we are we met at college at the Pennsylvania State University University Park campus. Yes. And, um, yeah, there was, you know, there was a mutual friends partying going on. I went with my roommate slash friend Meg, and I remember when Kevin was coming up the stairs, I noticed him. I was aware of who he waas before that point in time because he was like he was a popular guy on on campus like he was popular. He was very good looking, is very good looking. He's part of a fraternity, so he's everywhere, you know, whenever, like the afterparties air going down and people are trying to figure out where they're going, they're going to Mr Smith's house. So like e like I'm aware of who he is as a person. And so it was interesting. You know, we happen to like, cross paths with this party, and there's one point in time. We're like the birthday girl, our friend, to get enough birthday dance. It's a competition between Kevin, his friend and these two other guys. And Kevin Kevin Killing Kevin is killing it, So I'm over here like, Okay, he's very good looking. He can also very much dance. I have a couple of and so fast forward. My friend Meg introduces me to Kevin, and he's clearly very confident, as he said, he's interested in him something. Mr. Smith, I'm over here like because I'm not about to call, You know Mr Smith, Um, and so, um, finally get Kevin's name finally. But Yeah, like I wasn't trying. Give my phone number and type of play. No play? No, because I could tell. Like you are already again. You're good looking. You're popular. You're, you know, the frat guy on campus. You know what? Your you know what you're capable of. And I was like, I'm just minding whatever. I'm just like I'm minding my business. I'm like, Wow, you know, Yes. I had a really awesome interactions with him, like, you know, here and there. Yeah, we had, like, a couple dances. We have a, you know, exchanged just conversation about a variety of different things. And so, like, I just had this conversation with kept like that is one of the most attractive things. It's for you to not only be physically attracted to somebody, but to be able to have a conversation with them and light. You could throw anything out there and we could talk about it. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what it is. And it was like whenever we stopped talking, it was because somebody else came to grab our attention. For some reason, maybe it's take heavy. Want a drink, or Marshall want to introduce you to somebody. But somehow way can together causing Babs. We just kept, like, coming back to each other. And it was crazy because in all honesty, I don't think that I had ever been, like, so attracted to someone like that, like ever. And I was aware of it. So I was like, No, I'm not playing with that Back on the show, No school. And so, like, it was way ended up like BBM ing each other and then having like the phone conversation because that ended up being a long conversation. God, no way.
Seriously, like by the time that conversation was done and this is a very, very first phone conversation, it was over four hours. I haven't talked to someone now long in a very, very long time. And so in my mind, I'm like, Oh, boy, not only like, is she attractive, but man, I want to talk with her like we haven't really good conversations. Like to get four I was on the phone out of me is very challenging, very challenging because I lose interest really fast in phone conversations. You know, it's so to be ableto, you know, be so engaged and not even think about the time. And it realized by the time I hung up, it was past four hours. I was like, Wow,
that's That's amazing. Yeah,
you know, And so we spent the first few weeks really, Just getting to know each other and having just really great conversations because neither one of us wanted anything. And when I say anything, I'm talking about physical from the other person, you know, we wanted to spend time. You know, we So we did way spent time together. We wanted to hang out, and we did. And what was special about it was it was our little secret. No one knew. We were hanging out. You know, when Martian I spoke, we said, You know, we're not interested in a relationship. We just cool with, like, being friends with you. Cool. And I'm cool. Why can't we just, like, hang out? So we did. You know, I would be playing call of duty in my bedroom, you know, and she would be sitting here on the phone. Well, some people So Chinese food or wing, because wins over the valley like the best wings
ever. My God. Quick
plug if you go to State College, Pennsylvania University. Part
what? Fellini drive, please. Yeah, Please
go to wings off Happy Valley. You will not be disappointed, but we spent a whole lot of time together as friends. We just hung out, you know? And like we said, we ordered food. We'd played video games. We had, like, just long conversations, and no one knew we were seeing each other. And we must have gotten introduced to each other so many times. It was hilarious. Martian. I was each other at an event, or like a party's almost Hey, I think you should meet my friend. You know, Marsha are like, Hey, have you met Kevin? And we're like, no pleasure to meet
you. Weak. Every introduced, like, seven times. Did
we dip off in the corner and go talk for a second? And then, like all those other people, like, you know why they talking so long?
And they were
like, yeah, before they notice we talking too long. Let's get out of here. So we go our separate ways, and immediately someone sent a text message. Hey, you wanna hang out after
this? So it was our little secret that was cool. It waas it was. I think one of the best things about our relationship, like multiple times, is that none of us necessarily wanted something from the other person, like there was no desire to forced anything happen. And we actually wanted to be friends. I mean, I you know, I think everybody, to some degree, has experienced a moment in time where you feel as though, like, you're in a relationship and there's, like, this desire to, I don't know, just be even better than what you are. But there's a shifting the you know,
Look, I gotta be honest. It was just something different here. There was something different because, like in college man, I'm not. I was not the guy that I am today. I was a complete opposite. I was a little bit out of control. I loved ladies and, you know, like when I saw someone beautiful, I was just like, man, it would be nice too. Get to know her, but in a different way. You know, when I saw you, I just kind of looked at you and I appreciated your beauty. And then we had conversations that I wasn't flirting with you. We were just talking and it just was good. You know, that was turned into great, you know, And I think that, like, no matter what someone first sees in that other person, the question is, will you be able to get past that? You know? So I saw your beauty. That's nice. But then can I get past that conversation? You know, if a person has not so great conversation, I've still got acts. Well, can I get past that and maybe enjoy, You know, their their their knowledge, or like, their wisdom or their love. So with you, it was just different. You know, I said this before to other people about you, you know, you're the first person I saw a future. I've had great relationships in the past with some amazing people. But I did see what I saw when I looked at you. And I think that happens for everybody. Some people get afraid and just kind of go opposite of what they feel and don't listen to, like, you know, they're hard to their like feelings of the instincts we actually did. And we did every single step along the way you know, we told each other. Look, I'm not trying to catch any feelings. I just I think you're cool. We're just trying to hang out. Are you okay with that? Yeah, that's fine. Guess what? We both started catching feelings. Nobody wanted to even say anything. Then all of a sudden, you brought it up, like, you know, like, Listen, if this is not really what you want, then like, Hey, listen, I could go in opposite direction. I just started catching feelings. We said we were gonna do this. I'm like, Well, I'm glad somebody broke that Sinus, cause I'm kind of feeling the same way, too. What does it mean? How do we, you know, move forward from here? Yeah, you know, So you and I just consistently spoke.
And the thing is what I appreciate about that conversation of like, Hey, listen, this is how I'm feeling towards you. There was no pressure, and there was no desire toe like manipulate or like, given ultimatum. I did. I'm gonna be the first person to raise my hand and say that I started catching feelings like I started enjoying the time that I was spending with him I was enjoying the conversation we were having, Um, and for me, it got to a place where I'm like, yo, like we're okay. What What are we gonna do about this? You know what I'm saying? Like, what are we gonna do about this? And, um at the same time, I know the conversation that we had, and I respect the conversation that we had. So, you know, what are we thinking? And I just remember like, Hey, listen, if you don't feel the same way about Russia like that's okay, like it's not a problem. And I generally that until it's cool because fast forward and my God, this has been like the best decision ever. What's super cool about our relationship has just always very like open. You always felt incredibly comfortable with you. I never felt like I had to pretend to be any body else. I never felt like I had to alter my conversation or, like nothing and nothing about our interactions ever felt forced that me even before, Like
we spoke about every day with, like, unbiased points of huge. So, like, we talked openly about past relationships. You know, we talked about the things we've done, things that we did not do, you know, we were completely honest. You know, Here's a timeline of light understanding of light. May almost trusted each other really fast. On January 22nd I met Marcia on February 16. My grandmother passed away. This is in 2010. That's about three weeks time. So I barely had a chance to really get to know Marsha. And this was a really troubling top of me because on Fenway 16 I learned my grandmother passed away. Man, I just saw her the Christmas of you know, 2009 going into 2010. And I just I love her so much. And I remember I was so hurt by it at this time. I went to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine. Guess a box of wine. I think a glass out so I can pour me, you know, a nice little glass and I went to my bedroom with those items, and I turn my music up so loud I can't even hear myself think. And for the first time, I was about to fall into a drinking situation where it wasn't social. I was going to go in a place of using drinking to solve my problems. And that was unlike my character, you know, and I realized that immediately when I was sitting there with the glass in my hand and about to open that box of wine and instead of doing that, actually put it down. And I gave Marshall a call, and apparently she get here. There was something wrong with my boys, you know? And so I started to let him know what I was experienced and in mind you we just met. And it tells somebody that your grandmother passed away is a lot of of information to put on someone. You know, you just you just met. And so I told her what I was experiencing, what I was thinking and she said, Listen, put that down. I'm gonna come get you. Let's just go hang out. Let's clear your mind. And it was one of the best decisions that I could have made, could have ever made was trusting in her and listening to some advice or guidance he was providing me so that I could make a better decision with my life and long story short, I ended up giving that box of wine away. I've never even opened it because drinking outside of the social environment is not who I am, you know. So thank you for that much. I really appreciate it and less awesome is today is better way 16 2000 and 20. And that is 10 years from my grandmother passing away Wow, to the day
today. But that's always been like something that we've both been able to really appreciate is just just being able to talk about, like, literally anything and like the other thing. Oh, my gosh, we laugh so much in this relationship like that is one of the most amazing thing. We've always just were so goofing each other, like,
yeah, I think people see us working so much. They don't get a chance to really see that silly groupie side of who we are. And I mean, that is the essence way are people like we work really hard, but we take tiny steps to make some serious power moves, and that's why we laughed so much because we make sure each and every day we're still having a great time. Despite whatever else is going on
that is absolutely true Way are also very intentional. Yes, were intentional of our relationship. We are intentional about us. Time, way are intentional about relax station way are intentional and that makes everything all the better Because we're intentional because we have no desire to like let the other person down. You have no desire to like, not ever be attractive for the other person we have no desire to like ever stop like sweeping the other person off of their feet. It's like always helping come composition like always healthy competition. And it's dope like way have the rest of our lives to live with each other. We should have
a ridiculous fun every day. I mean, if you're gonna have an amazing decade, right? You wanna have amazing years And if you're gonna have amazing years, you gotta have amazing month in order have amazing months. You're gonna need to have amazing weeks. And if you want amazing weeks, you just start by simply having an amazing day. That is the secret right there. And we've been doing that since day one. And I feel like right now with this conversation because There are so many stories that you and I wanted to share with people, and I don't think we can cover it all in one conversation. Right now. This is just the beginning. This is the origin story. And so, like I feel. And I think Marshall would agree that we can leave people with a couple of like tips just to get their relationships starting to elevate right? And so, like one of the first things I want to say. And we said this in another video where we were talking about New Year's resolutions. But at the same time, it's also important when it comes alive building relationships, especially new relationships, and that's completing her incomplete, you know? And so, like, fellas, listen to me. And I must say this the ladies, too. If you're looking to give someone the opportunity to show you who they are, you gotta allow them to be treated as such. So therefore, if you're hurt by something there, is there something in a previous relationship someone did to you that you just have a bad or sour taste in your mouth is time to let it go? It's time to move on because maybe that's how you feel towards that person. But the next person you're going to meet does not deserve to be treated any less than the amazing person that they are into. They show you something different. So turn the page. And what I did was, you know, Marcia contested as we had this conversation there were other ladies that I was talking to at the time of when I like Matt, Marcia and I didn't know that we were gonna get or heading in the direction of a relationship. And so when I started catching feelings, not what she told me when I started catching finish, what I started to do was the females that I was associating with. I started to close the chapter. Hey, you know, I'm not interested in you anymore. Look, I'm not gonna be dealing with you anymore or by we're not getting in a relationship. This isn't going to wear long story short. I just shut things down that wouldn't give her any stress. And a lot of people will, like bring their ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend are. There's someone who got a problem with right into that next relationship and it's unfair. And then you wonder why things remind you of your past because you didn't go so completely a complete turn the page close a chapter. It starts something,
and I think that just a little bit differently for the ladies in a different way. So in the sense of completing your incomplete, like do your best to make yourself happy before you bring someone else into life, your space. So like you know, the reality is, and the great thing about life is that each day is an opportunity for you to learn and to grow and to advance yourself. And so we are never, ever going to be perfect people. It's just are consistent intention toe like keep, you know, advancing ourselves right? And so one of the things that I you know, wanted to make sure I did before we really got into a relationship like a solid relationship. I wanted to make sure that I was happy with myself, like happy as a person, because when you start to look into happiness outside of yourself, you place not only a lot of pressure on that person or that thing, but you also become dependent on that existence for you to feel whole and feel okay, you know what I'm saying? So whether that be like a job, whether that be a person, whether that be your kids, like if all of your happiness solely is based off of, like this person or this being where the interactions of X, y and Z, it makes it very difficult for you to just be happy to be happy. And so you know, with completing your incomplete like make sure if there's parts of you that need to be restored before you get into a relationship like do that, start the process. Have those conversations, make sure that you put yourself in the best position to give 100% because when you're in a relationship, it's not about 50 15. It's about 101 100. And so, like, in order for you to be able to pour into this relationship, make sure you are solid in yourself. It's a great way to ensure that, like your cup is always filled and that you have enough to pour into someone else. So
yes, so completely and completes on that one, and the next one is continued being yourself. I never asked Marshall to be anything other than the woman, as she is in the one she's growing into, You know, until this day, you know, And back then let's go back to 2010. In 2010 I was sharing tips with Marshall how to get books for free, the right way from the university. You know, we were sharing tips on how to, like, get more money back for your financial aid so that we can finish school. So we were helping each other grow then. And now, you know, we're we've built a business together. You know, Marcia not only got one degree now, she's working on achieving another degree, and it takes another standing of what it feels like to be a student to get what she needs to be successful. So when she needs time to study, I back off. I give her her space. She got an exam coming up. Hey, babe, how was your exam going? You know, you need anything from me? What can I do with our kids that gives you, you know, a clear head, a sense of you know, I can solely focus on this you know, So I acts how I can help her, you know? So that way she can be successful. And guess what? She doesn't saying thing for me. So it's that whole give and take relationship you gotta give If you're expected to receive a lot, you're gonna need to give a lot, you know? And that's how you build strong, positive relationships. Continue to give, forget asking, What can I get out of this? Simply asks a question. How can I help the person?
The moment that you start to be selfish is the moment that things get sour. And that's the moment where, like you start me all about me, me, me versus making short. You know, this is Salt Lake for us, like Kevin and I do our best to move in one accord. And so, um, you know, we find it to be very important to do our our very best to just make sure that we're aligned, you know, to make sure that like we're communicating, that helps somewhat.
Yeah, And again, I started from the beginning. And here's a thing. We understand that you may have walls up and guess what? That's natural. Both Marcia and I had layers and layers and layers of walls. That was we just both told as much as we comfortably felt looked at each other. And I was like nasa's faras I pretty much feel comfortable, but we both love and what we're sharing. And then when it was time to move to the next layer, we looked at each other again. You ready to do this? I think I am. Okay, let's make it happen. Then. You know what we were? Engage is about to get married. You know, we went through marriage counseling. Guess what? There were walls up that we didn't even know were there, you know? I mean, and so you're gonna continuously find yourself diving deeper and deeper into love with this person. If you are approaching that person with love,
you've got to be intentional. You gotta be intentional. But one thing I can't say just going back to like the beginning Like Kevin never asked me ever to change. Why? Waas, if there were, If anything, I was always pushed tipping center. And when it comes to like Kevin, if anything, I'm only going to push him to be better like
Yes, and not only pushed me to be better, but save all of my wonderful bad traits for herself.
You know, back then, huh? You know, back in 2008 2009 but not in 2000.
Marshall put a stop to all of it for me. I'm living, so just be yourself, people. Marsh and I have a lot a lot of exciting, honest, really truthful conversations that are coming your way. This is only the beginning of the beginning. There's so much more to talk about. And if we keep going, this is gonna be like a five hour podcast right here, a message. So I think there's a good place to kind of give people some food for thought. Start to think about. Well, what do I want out of my relationships? And the question is, you can have it all when I say it is gonna be easy. It does take work. There will be challenges. There will be moments where you know, you're like, yes, and she's like, nowhere. She's, I guess, and you're like, No, trust me. Marsh and I have our moments where we disagree, but we're not disagreeing out of hate when I disagree in out of being mean. There's a difference when you know you disagree. And you like getting your points of view out here working on coming to a common ground versus being disrespectful. And now you're just trying to, like, get the person out of your face and shut down the ideas or their true emotions. We're not talking about that. We're talking about a mutual understanding of people are just seeking to get to a better place, a mutual place. And it is also okay to agree to disagree,
which is different than stonewalling. Yes, Agreeing to disagree is different than stonewalling, not petty, right?
Can you take me? But
like, like just Hey, listen, if this is where we're at, then we're not gonna let it go. This is as far as it's gonna get. So
no decision has been made. Both people are stubborn, and they decided to just walk away, and it's still lingering in the air. But no, was addressing it.
Yes. Okay, well, if you're not gonna do what I believe that we should do Well, then I guess this just guess we're stuck here like there's a difference than just saying, Hey, listen, you have a different point of view. I hear what you're saying. They're still always going to be points that we can agree on. Yes, always. And so we'll move forward with the points that we can agree on and save the remainder for further discussion if needs be or just what?
What makes it easier for people to understand if you can get this understanding is taking yourself out of how you feel and what you want and look at it from the other person's point of view. And so I mean, like, just because I talk this way, I'm not gonna expect Marshall to talk this way. She's free to say, you know, whatever she wants to say, you know, and we talk to each other respectfully, you know? But we get everything out, you know? So I thought it was important to mention that because it's just important.
now that we shared a little bit of our story. You know, the question that we like to act people out there is what are you struggling with in your relationships? Leave a comment down below. Sing us A. D M or an email. Just two info at the body Smith plan dot com and let's have a conversation about it. Why not? Why not get real life feedback from you people out there and have a conversation with us? Let's talk about it. Let us grow together unless this see if we can help each other. Build some healthy relationships. Way got a lot more stories coming away, so make sure you stay tuned.
We can't wait to continue this conversation with you guys. We have so much more so much more to go.
Yes, a toon end and enjoy.
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